Saturday, May 27, 2006

Back in the game

So i went out with a new guy tonight.
It hasn't happened in a while, because of many things, mostly cause of other new guys that had recently appeared in my life..that seem to have found someone else over than me.
So i guess i don't have to worrie not to go out with some other new guy...u know, i was doubtful because when someone has feelings for you and you say you can't really give them back to him, well, it's a little oakward to get in the dating game again. Cause u know he still has feelings for you.
But he's moving on, so why shouldn't i do the same? So i met with this guy...he's studing architecture, and it's quite an intellectual type...tho he's kinda funny and smart, and yeah, deadly cute..
well, not deadly, but cute enough to me. He has such a wonderful pair of eyes, so blue, and they were wide open tonight while they were looking at me.
I, of course, was funny as always. Maybe more funny that the average, cause i keep repeating myself not to be bitchy but to try to make him comfortable. And i guess i get some results,cause he kissed me 3 times to say goodbye...on the cheek, of course. And then other 2 times. I guess he wanted to kiss me...he incidentally touched me while we were walking to his home, and made some talks about carpe diem and stuff...well, we'll have a reprise :D I guess..

And, on the other hand, another guy i like -the one that is dead to me!- come back into my life and i crushed for him again...since he says he already has a boyfriend, and he's sorry he didn't tell me before...he's always the same, because people don't change...people never change. Screw him, i'm gonna have sex with him anyway. A silly boyfriend won't stop me. MHHWHAAHAHA.



I do am back in the game.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Happy endings & frustration

So, a couple of series i watched greedly have come to an end…natural end to theirs stories. I won’t say anything for those of you who hasn’t seen it yet, but I’m talking about Will&Grace and Charmed.

Both with happy endings, both made me cry.

But is there really an happy ending to our stories?

People claim to have found the real love. People claim to have found the right place to be.

I’ve found nothing of those. I have little satisfaction, just temporary. Good moments, good things, that happen and then pass away.

Maybe it’s just me. Me, that I’m much too complicated, much too mental for those kind of stuff. I guess I should follow the flow and live easy.

But wouldn’t I regret that?

Monday, May 22, 2006

One way - against you


Sometimes, it seems to you that your life keeps coming over and over, repeating itself, like an endless deja-vu. Like u're stuck in a moment in time, in a circle, and every experience keeps repeating over and over. Up and down, happy and sad, exalted and then shattered and devastated -all over, like a circle.
This is one of those times.
One of those time when you really ask yourself how the friendship is valuable. Sadly, it's not only what you think that matters. When it comes to something that's releated not only to yourself but to those one that are all around you, it becomes complicated. Much more complicated. And, usually, one-wayly.

Happens that you trust a person, and after a long time of cold, stony heart you open up with it(the person, whose sexuality we wanna keep covered -tho it's clear his sexuality to those who see him ...). Well, at least you're trying to open u up. It's a process, isn't it? Some just have it naturally, some like me has to work on it hardly, cause they've became selfish and just don't wanna trust others. So you find someone who works with you on this stuff, and he does it so naturally and he doesn't want no reward, he's just doing it for you. And you're happy, and you think this time it's really the end of the circle, that u've took the right exit from the highway of selfishness.
But you're wrong, stupid idiot, u're wrong. It just keeps repeating over and over, again and again, and u're fucked up again, with your ass on the road, alone like u've always been.

The point is just this: how can you just go away, sending me just a lousy message on my cell, saying that u're goin away? to me, to me that u always said that i'm like family? to me, that i really trusted u?
I've always been the kind of guy that is firmly convinced in the power of taking things over, of fighting together and not by ourselves... and i feel, over than abandoned and alone and betrayed, like the road under a dog's shit, whit a spitted gum right under it, in a hell-hot summer day...over than all this, i feel unuseful and as if i failed something i had to do, something like been there for you when u needed it...tho i do remember having offered it to you, and i though i did my part well...
I just don't believe that running away is the solution. Cause the same problem will happen, once again, over and over like in a cirlce. And you do run away, u always run. Somewhere, but u always run around. And it's consuming you. Isn't it?
See that there's no love here. No love like a boyfriend loves. It's some different kind of love, better of worse, i donno, i just know that it's here, and I think it's something nice, and that's worth your caring, and your presence.


Can i just say it's not only me that's feeling the same way? I guess u've gone a little too far.

And i do know that maybe i'll be the only one to undestand this, but no one read this blog, and if they do they probably won't undestand english. What kind of people do i know? -_-