One way - against you

Sometimes, it seems to you that your life keeps coming over and over, repeating itself, like an endless deja-vu. Like u're stuck in a moment in time, in a circle, and every experience keeps repeating over and over. Up and down, happy and sad, exalted and then shattered and devastated -all over, like a circle.
This is one of those times.
One of those time when you really ask yourself how the friendship is valuable. Sadly, it's not only what you think that matters. When it comes to something that's releated not only to yourself but to those one that are all around you, it becomes complicated. Much more complicated. And, usually, one-wayly.

Happens that you trust a person, and after a long time of cold, stony heart you open up with it(the person, whose sexuality we wanna keep covered -tho it's clear his sexuality to those who see him ...). Well, at least you're trying to open u up. It's a process, isn't it? Some just have it naturally, some like me has to work on it hardly, cause they've became selfish and just don't wanna trust others. So you find someone who works with you on this stuff, and he does it so naturally and he doesn't want no reward, he's just doing it for you. And you're happy, and you think this time it's really the end of the circle, that u've took the right exit from the highway of selfishness.
But you're wrong, stupid idiot, u're wrong. It just keeps repeating over and over, again and again, and u're fucked up again, with your ass on the road, alone like u've always been.

The point is just this: how can you just go away, sending me just a lousy message on my cell, saying that u're goin away? to me, to me that u always said that i'm like family? to me, that i really trusted u?
I've always been the kind of guy that is firmly convinced in the power of taking things over, of fighting together and not by ourselves... and i feel, over than abandoned and alone and betrayed, like the road under a dog's shit, whit a spitted gum right under it, in a hell-hot summer day...over than all this, i feel unuseful and as if i failed something i had to do, something like been there for you when u needed it...tho i do remember having offered it to you, and i though i did my part well...
I just don't believe that running away is the solution. Cause the same problem will happen, once again, over and over like in a cirlce. And you do run away, u always run. Somewhere, but u always run around. And it's consuming you. Isn't it?
See that there's no love here. No love like a boyfriend loves. It's some different kind of love, better of worse, i donno, i just know that it's here, and I think it's something nice, and that's worth your caring, and your presence.


Can i just say it's not only me that's feeling the same way? I guess u've gone a little too far.

And i do know that maybe i'll be the only one to undestand this, but no one read this blog, and if they do they probably won't undestand english. What kind of people do i know? -_-